with Daniel, Man Alive's choreographer

Even if your guy's built like a chicken, here's some good news. It isn't about body and looks, it's about mind-set and technique. Your guy -let's call him Bob - has to feel confident that he's doing this thing in front of a receptive audience who will, on some level, find him more desirable at the end. So yelling out "Show us your pencil dick, Bob" is not going to help. Even if you suspect Bob is going to look a bit goofy, suspend your judgement.

1. The right music is vital. For the beginner choose something with a good, steady back-beat and - most important - not too fast. We don't want Bob rushing his moves and performing the classic nose dive at that crucial moment when his trousers are round his ankles.

2. Now the moves: Bob's vibe is up to Bob, but if he's not a natural mover, start with the hips. On the beat, move the hips right, and on the following beat, step right. Move the hips left then step left. Thrust forward, step forward, hips back, step back. Repeat as necessary. This may not sound sexy but if Bob's smiling and confident, he'll look like Ricky Martin!

3. There is an art to discarding clothing. Shoes are almost impossible to remove sexily so the best thing is to get them off first. After a few opening moves Bob should sit on the floor. He moves his upper torso to the beat while losing shoes, then socks - a quick twirl before chucking them discreetly upstage. Throwing sweaty socks into the face of the audience is usually not a turn on, although I worked in one club where...but let's get back to Bob. Next the shirt - cuffs then front, one button at a time, on the beat, slowly.

4. Confidence at all times is essential. Bob needs to remember to keep smiling and look if he's completely in charge. One trick is to imagine that every woman in the room is aching to jump on him when the act is over - and this is a tough bit of visualisation if Bob's mum is watching.

5. Now Bob has to 'project' sexual desirability. He's got his shoes, socks and shirt off and now he's got to feel comfortable caressing his own body in ways that (by now) his audience should want to. Grabbing his crotch and yelling "Wa-hey" is a definite no-no, so if Bob's not up to much in the erotic self-touching line, get on (off) with the trousers.

6. Trousers are the critical stage. Bob undoes the belt, slips it from the loops and slides it out. Now, there are a lot of belt tricks - running it across the body slowly like a snake, trailing it along the stage, lashing it like a whip, looping it around the neck of an audience member then snatching it away. If trying the last trick Bob should hold the buckle end, otherwise it may snag a collar and rip someone's top off. Now Bob opens his fly and gets his trousers off in one continuous, smooth move - there's nothing more dorky-looking than a guy with his trou half down. Swing the trousers around the head by all means, but make sure you don't have $20 in change in the pockets - the effect is like a machine gun.

7. Closing. What Bob does next is up to him, but as a general note I would say that the naked, flaccid, male penis doesn't sustain extended viewing, nor will it co-operate with the rest of the body when dance moves are being performed. The general rule is 'lights out' as the boxers come off, but hey, if Bob has done really well, he may have been interrupted by now!