It's hard to think of highlights in such a short career which has had so many dazzling successes. In a way I'm grateful to that snotty little Paige for getting me chucked out of teaching because ever since I put my fabulous body on stage it's easy to see I've been Man Alive's biggest asset. But okay, here's an example. One night we had a fabulous crowd of women, all getting right into it, screaming and yelling from the first act. Sitting right in front there was this woman - stunningly beautiful - and she seemed to be watching me especially. I got the feeling she'd seen a lot of talent, but on this occasion she knew was seeing something special - me.

Daniel had the first solo. I could see she appreciated his moves - Daniel has a couple of good moves -but you could tell she wanted something extra, something fabulous - you guessed it, me. Clint was up next. I could see she was kinda repulsed by his genital deformity - I mean who wants to see some creature who's half man, half donkey? That's not sexy, that's just gross.

Then it was my turn. From the moment I came on stage I had her in the palm of my hand. She was in raptures. I deliberately ignored her for the first half of my act, and I could tell this just drove her wild with desire. She wanted to utterly possess me. Then I looked her straight in the eye and turned on the ol' Finn Charm at 2,000 watts. She could barely handle it. When the other women were clapping and screaming "More, more!" she just stood there, totally drained. I went down to her table and she said "Take me, I am yours..."

This is sick, as well as being complete crap - she was his auntie! Daniel

Yeah, and donkeys are lovely animals. Clint.